Is America sick of John and Kate Plus 8? TLC doesn’t seem to think so as evidenced by their ad nauseum marathoning of the show this weekend in 24 hour blocks. As if the steady stream of online tabloid reports on the fertile philanderers’ daily doings wasn’t enough, TLC has gone into John and Kate overload, hyping the newest season of their reality TV show by airing back-to-back-to-back episodes.

I’ve been sick of John, Kate, and their unwieldy horde for awhile now. Mind you, I’ve never seen an entire episode of the show, but have been exposed to dozens of commercials for the series. I would cringe every time I saw one while watching Miami Ink, L.A. Ink or some of the other tattoo-related shows that used to air on TLC. Miami Ink however, has been cancelled to make room for more shows about people with Ma and Pa Kettle-sized broods like the new Table for 12 and 18 Kids and Counting. There’s yet another new show devoted to “little people” called The Little Couple which seems more like a prelude to Little People, Big World.

You can practically see some programming exec sitting in his leather swivel chair at TLC headquarters saying “Let’s get some more midgets up in this piece!” (Need I mention that the executive is probably some 40-something, uber-white yuppie attempting to incorporate what he believes to be hip, urban slang into his boardroom vernacular?) Read the rest of this entry »

Philly may be known for its cheese steaks, soft pretzels, and “water ice” (the Philadelphia terminology for the food item most people everywhere else refer to as “Italian Ice”)… but it sure as shit isn’t known for its sense of style.

To be fair, each section of Philadelphia has its own unique vibe. In that sense, it really is “the city of neighborhoods.” In addition to the distinct brand of ambiance native to each part of the city, some areas of Philly have a better sense of fashion than others.

You’ve got your uppity, Main Line society types, many of whom plan on dousing themselves with pastel shades of Lilly Pulitzer with the onset of Spring. North Philly has its streetwise, uptown thug style and West Philadelphia follows suit, with some “hipster” fashion thrown in for good measure, depending on if whether you happen to be up or down from 34th St. South Philly is also an enclave of hipster-attire, as is some of Center City, although, as a rule, Center City is something of a melting pot in terms of people and fashion for Philadelphians. South Philly (and the parts of Fishtown swarming with fresh-off-the-boat Albanians) favors the neo-Guido look of nylon tracksuits and gold chains nestled on a bed of thick chest hair. Read the rest of this entry »

Okay. I think I’ve seen it all now. I’ve heard of foot fetishes, BDSM fetishes… Hell, even scat and water sports fetishes. But a CHEESE FETISH?! More specifically, a SWISS CHEESE FETISH!? You gotta be fucking kidding me!

Craigslist, that great provider of hilarity, gifted me with this utter gem this morning: (As a word of warning, this link includes some very NSFW photos, one of which is this weirdo’s dong wrapped in a slice of Swiss cheese. I kid you not.)

Jesus. I couldn’t even make this shit up.

For the link-phobic and those who are lactose-penis intolerant and would prefer to read without visual accompaniment, here are some highlights from the original Craigslist posting, complete with commentary:

“What my fetish is, is considered a food play fetish. What that means is food is use in either a sexual or non sexual way to provide sexual stimulation and or arousal and pleasure. I like when cheese is use in a sexual manner to provide arousal and pleasure, specifically Swiss cheese, although I am open to any cheese as well.I love the way Swiss cheese feels against my penis. Either as slices of Swiss cheese being wrapped around my penis or a chunk of Swiss cheese being rubbed against my penis. I love even more when a woman uses the Swiss cheese to pleasure me. Or simply wraps Swiss cheese slices around my penis and allows me to hang out with her as I wear the cheese.”

BWAAAAAHHAAAAHHAA!!! Oh, boy!  That’s rich!! Can you imagine hanging out with this dude, thinking you’re going to just watch TV, grab a beer or something and he’s got his junk wrapped up like Chicken Cordon Bleu?

But wait… It gets better: Read the rest of this entry »

This past week, I received word from back home that my favorite high school teacher was busted for possession of marijuana. On one hand, it doesn’t surprise me as my former teacher was quite a free spirit, but on the other, it bugs me that small town cops have nothing better to do than shake down a 66-year-old man with a lighter and a dimebag.

Although I never knew my teacher used to blaze up, nor did I ever smoke with him back in the day, I used to chat with him a lot about friends, students, teachers and life in general.. “D” (as his students fondly referred to him) was/is an incredibly bright, charismatic man saddled with the job of teaching kids who didn’t really share his enthusiasm for his classes subject matter. As a teacher, he tried to make things as interesting as possible. As a person, he was so real, funny and insanely cool that I would bail on gym class to hang out with D and hear his thoughts on things… As did a lot of other students and former students.

I was pretty bummed hearing about his arrest and definitely want to write to him and wish him well. D was always very supportive of me during my high school years and just an all-around good guy. Hearing this news from back home, it made me think about my teen and college years. During those days, barring a handful of adult figures important in my life, music was a big part of getting me through rough patches.

In college, I found myself taking up the habit of indulging in the sticky-icky. Back in the day, my favorite thing that I used to do to unwind was to smoke up, kick back on my bed with my stuffed pal Sammy, plug in the headphones and crank up some music as loud as it could go. In my Purple Sticky Punge haze, I would hear subtle nuances of vocals and instrumentation in the music. Once, I thought I had heard Motley Crue speaking directly to me from the confines of their Generation Swine CD…But that’s another story.. (That must have been some really good shit that night!)

It’s been almost a decade since I’ve smoked up, but I felt a tribute to D was in order. As an adult rolling up on 30 whose job piss-tests randomly, there was no way I could go back to my carefree days as an aficionado of that green goodness. I did the next best thing, however, and plugged in my headphones, grabbed Sammy, and sat back to soak in a shuffled playlist and the knowledge it brings. Reassured that with close to 8,000 songs on my iPod, this would truly be a venture into randomly uncharted territory.

Kneeling at the Tree of Knowledge that is Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison”, I pondered the insightful nature of the group’s suggestion: “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” While this certainly holds true for males of the species, if this New Jack Swing classic were to be covered by females, perhaps the granule of wisdom to women would be to “never trust a pretty boy with child-bearing hips.” (True dat, BBD. True dat.) Read the rest of this entry »

After seeing the exorbitant amount of taxpayer-funded bailout cash that has been abused by AIG, it’s unbelievable just how ballsy these financial institutions can be with their bullying tactics towards average citizens.

As if it wasn’t bad enough seeing that FreeCreditReport.com douche rag and his loser friends on TV every 10 minutes complaining about why their lives suck because they never cared to check their credit scores, now you can look forward to an onslaught of harassing phone calls from your credit card company.

You know the drill. They call every hour on the hour during weekends and sometimes at your place of work. Sometimes they attempt to disguise who they are by trying to sound like they’re your friend (provided they can actually pronounce your name correctly) or by blocking the number they’re calling from. Thanks to the miracle of Caller ID, the 1-800 numbers these tyrants favor is a dead giveaway not to answer the phone.

A little over a month ago, I realized just how out of hand this credit card crap had become. Read the rest of this entry »

You think a recession can stop me from gettin’ my drink on?  Oh, hell no!  If the constant flow of doom and gloom on the news and worries about the ol’ day job going down the crapper, it’s all the more reason to suck down some sauce.  Responsibly, of course.  (Which is a nice way of saying “I take public transportation anyway because I be po’.”) 

That’s right!  The Booze Review — Home of the Three Drink Minimum — is back like Jordan with the scoop on the Where, What, and Why(nehouse) to drink!  This time around, the Booze Review makes a pit stop into the Devil’s Alley at 1907 Chestnut Ave. in Philadelphia, PA. 

Read the rest of this entry »

To paraphrase a certain television theme song: “You take the good, you take the bad and there you have the Watchmen.”

For years, there had been talk about translating Alan Moore’s classic 1986 graphic novel to the big screen, much to the chagrin of the eccentric author himself. To be fair, Moore has never been a fan of seeing his work on the big screen, raising a stink the size of a sewage plant for each film made from his stories regardless of how good or bad the end result. Moore was full of equal ire for both the excellent Wachowski Bros.’ imagining of V For Vendetta and the suck-fest that was League of Extraordinary Gentlemen — a film so craptastic that not even Sean Connery’s presence could redeem it.

Watchmen, however, holds a special place in the heart of comic book fanboys (and girls). The 1986 graphic novel attained legendary status for its story of a disbanded team of superheroes bonded together once more when someone sets about murdering or discrediting the surviving members. Set in an alternate universe in which Richard Nixon is a multi-term president well into the 1980s, matters are further complicated as the United States teeters on the brink of nuclear war with the Soviet Union.

Zak Snyder, who previously directed the screen version of yet another graphic novel, 300, was the lucky cat to inherit the task of capturing Watchmen for celluloid posterity. Read the rest of this entry »

When Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from the acting profession, it was a shock. It was an even bigger shock when Phoenix stated that he would be leaving acting to pursue a new career path… Rap music.

So, what is it that inspires arguably one of the most underrated, under-appreciated actors of his generation to ditch what brought him to the dance and become the bastard child of Eminem and Jim Morrison in his declining, whip-out-yer-pisser-onstage, gnarly beard-sportin’ days?

Does the name Tony Clifton ring a bell? One look at Joaquin Phoenix rapping recalls a modern day Tony Clifton, the loony lounge-singing alter-ego of comedic genius Andy Kaufman.

In short: Joaquin Phoenix is fooling us all. Read the rest of this entry »

Once again, the ubiquitous awards season is upon us. Last night, it was the Golden Globes. Next month, it’s the Academy Awards. For fans of film (and fashion), it’s the equivalent of the Super Bowl.

Despite the fact that these awards haven’t offered a wildly unpredictable moment in ages, even the poorest showing of one of these fetes pulls in above-par Nielsen ratings. So, what’s the attraction? Why is it that, in spite of the fact that eight times out of ten we can all guess who the awards are going to go to, most of us tune in religiously to watch these awards shows? Read the rest of this entry »

Is anyone else burnt out on all this “holiday cheer”? Days before Halloween — not even before Thanksgiving – Rite Aid aisles were already clogged with tinsel, wrapping paper, and Santa Claus hats right alongside wolfman masks.

It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, and radio stations had been “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” non-stop. One of my co-workers (who I actually like a lot, her wretched taste in music not-withstanding), has been cranking the Christmas crap on her radio for a solid eight hours since November 1st. If I didn’t have my headphones with me at all times, by now, I might have snapped and had my very own Do The Right Thing moment.  Read the rest of this entry »